9/28/2009

Desperate for a place to live, I was considering a large warehouse that I could subdivide into smaller units.

9/24/2009

Brian and Susan had a house on the beach. We hiked to it and a bunch of people were having a party inside. They were not pissed.

9/23/2009

Big factory making jokes. Workers were made out of metal.

9/22/2009

I was in the middle of a really bad horror movie about a giant alligator.

A really fat woman had been at the beach for 6 years pretending to be dead.

9/21/2009

My dad bought a cliff to build his dream home, then some asshole developers blasted it away and built a giant hotel.

9/20/2009

My mom saw Colleen's birthday on Facebook, so she bought a present for me to give her: 15 pounds of laundry detergent. It was wrapped in yellow legal tablet paper, a bunch of it taped together.

9/19/2009

I was on a really long trip with a lot of random people. At one stop, I had to hit JW on the head with a baseball bat.

9/12/2009

I was watching Die Hard 2, but it was set in space, was mostly about a hot girl, and elevator shafts could not be climbed up.

A spider was above my bed, but I wanted it there, so I just spun around.

9/11/2009

Nick Nolte was talking to me, but I couldn't understand him as he sounded like a dog barking.

9/10/2009

Ran out of money, couldn't pay electric bill. Decided to earn money by helping Reid with his pinewood derby car for Boy Scouts.

9/8/2009

Schoen won a storage unit from a Lotto scratcher.

9/2/2009

Asked Jessie out and she shut me down SO harshly and SO thoroughly in front of her friend.

I was a superhero that everyone thought was gay. Me and the other heroes had our names painted across our chest in a way that they looked like tattoos.

8/31/2009

I paid for chili at a Chili Cookoff, but there was no chili! Hugely disappointed. No refunds.

8/27/2009

Emily wanted a website, but I told her it was too early in the morning.

8/26/2009

Watched a special about how crazy people on a train alter peoples' lives. Crazy lab technicians who steal frogs!

8/24/2009

Even though I'd put my cat Oreo down a few days ago, he and his cat friend Chip were hanging out in my parents' bed. He was alive and healthy.